N came home during my previous post so it ended as a different post from the one in my head. The acceptance in the title points to how differently I feel after some sleep. I can cope with the shouting, hitting, the damage caused even probably the seizures when I feel rested. I need to remember this for when everything is out of control.

Control: I sometimes wonder if the lack of control I have over what the future holds is the main reason for my upset.

I find myself writing here in my head sometimes to help me get a grip when all my feelings get too much so it must be working.