I found an interesting article in The Guardian yesterday. I did a bit of naming and shaming too.

Concentrating on the joyous

I am feeling better than I was when I ran away and stayed in a (quite nice, luxurious even) hotel room for 2 days by myself. It helped. I took a book on meditations and found some peace to read and reflect on them. I was able to bring the calm home and with some work can find a little bit of calm every day. DS had another seizure - a generalised tonic-clonic, or grand-mal seizure that was 12 minutes long- on 15th March it was about 4am so he had the day off school and we had a bath and a nap - he has never been a good sleeper, hardly ever napped as a baby and Friday was lovely watching him sleeping peacefully. I was able to not fret about the future, DS's epilepsy, what will happen to him when I die, if he will ever write his name, if he will be able to get a job to support himself...the list is endless, because I was concentrating on the beauty of watching him sleep. So in the spirit of remaining joyous I am steeling an idea I found here I am going to record, so I can remember, all the things that make me happy.

So far I have:

flowers I brought for DS when Leeds NHS Teaching Hospitals admitted liability in full for causing his brain damage.

impromptu craft for a teacher

a plane cake for DS's birthday: I asked him what kind of cake he would like; lemon; chocolate; plain. He got so excited at 'plain' and stuck his arms out like a plane so I make a plain plane cake. Bless his sweetness.

silly faces.

An Open Letter to Maggie Boyle, Chief Executive of Leeds Teaching Hospitals

Dear Ms Boyle

I write in response to your recent letter of no date. If Neil McKay had written that letter to me nine years ago I would have moved on, albeit with regret. However, Mr McKay chose to respond inadequately on several occasions over nearly three years. I knew there had been a gross mismanagement of my labour and felt the need to fully understand the mechanics of what had gone wrong. I now have some answers. I understand what went wrong and the failings of the midwives that lead to those things going wrong. This is why I feel moved to reply to your wholly inadequate letter of apology. The lack of veridicality is laughable. I sincerely need to know that some lessons have been learnt from my awful experience. Your letter fills me with doubt that those lessons have even been understood, let alone acted upon.

I have learnt that in my labour I was overdosed on Syntocinon infusion. As a result tachysystole became hyperstimulation. In normal circumstances this is not a problem. It is noticed. If a woman is given Syntocinon infusion the baby must have continuous electronic fetal monitoring. In our case the continuous electronic fetal monitoring was neither appropriate nor adequate. My darling son was begging for help. The continuous electronic fetal monitoring was pathological for nearly two hours. Mr Mckay in his letter to me dated 22^nd June 2006 claimed (at paragraph 6 lines 3-4) that 'the baby's heart rate pattern (CTG) print out was of a quality which can be interpreted.' So really the three midwives who reviewed the CTG failed to interpret it correctly. This is what caused my son's brain damage.

Your letter claims that the Trust no longer uses the type of monitoring used during my labour. Does the LGI really no longer rely on midwives, however poorly educated, and CTG machines to manage women in labour?

CTGs

http://www.patientsafetyfirst.nhs.uk/Content.aspx?path=/interventions/relatedprogrammes/making-childbirth-safer/

click on case studies and there is an interesting piece written by midwives at the hospital that caused DS's brain damage.

Perhaps the previous title was over optimistic. I'm grieving. It was a horrible week last week. I am not coping well. DS's solicitors visited for two days, asked me questions for two days, made me cry for two days. It was raw and painful and there was nowhere to hide. They left and I had DS's Statement review. The solicitor visit was not helpful preparation and left me feeling more and more as though I am letting him down.

The Chief Executive of Leeds NHS Trust has written me a letter of apology. It is comical. It is inaccurate. It has caused me further upset. I must write back to her. The letter claims that Leeds NHS Trust no longer manages labour in the way my labour was managed. I fail to see how that claim is accurate. Does she mean that Leeds NHS Trust no longer uses midwives and CTG machines to monitor labour at the LGI? Really? This just cannot be true. If anyone out there has recently given birth at the LGI knows whether or not the hospital still makes use of midwives and CTG machines I would love to hear from you...

So solicitors, Statement review, 'apology' letter. It was all too much. I went away. Alone.

Positively though when I returned I had a letter: the NMC have opened three cases in the names of the three individual midwives I referred to them.